Jul 20, 2012

Long-distance relationship?

I've been dreading the question forever. I've been thinking about it for weeks. Don't ask me why, but somehow I knew I wouldn't like the answer. Until I finally plucked up my courage and asked my precious boyfriend how he imagined things would go on after I had to go back to university for one more year.

To make things more clear for you, we've been dating for about three months, I am madly in love with him and the town I'm studying in and where I have to go back to in about one and a half months, is about five hours by train away.

At first he didn't react to my question at all, but then after a minute or two he cuddled up to me and held me real tight - I could actually feel him shake, and I do suspect that he even shed a few tears, but I'm not too sure about that :) This gave me hope. If it made him so sad just to think about being separated he wouldn't finish off things as soon as I had to go back.

He explained his rather extreme reaction by telling me that he didn't know how to answer my question and that he was sad to let me go indeed. I tried to reassure him that everything would be fine, as long as he promised me not to break up with me as soon as I had to go back. And that was the moment, when the worst happened: he hesitated. He didn't assure me that we'd be fine, that we could do the whole long-distance relationship-thing.

Until that moment I had been on the verge of tears, because I had been dreading the question for so long. Then I just couldn't hold them back anymore, and he went: Oh no, sweetheart, don't cry! But I couldn't stop myself, because for me it was crystal clear: If he couldn't agree to at least try and make the long-distance relationship work, this would be it. I didn't want to pretend being happy for a few more weeks, knowing that it would be over the moment I went back. So I desperately tried to change his mind, telling him it would only be for a year, that we could at least meet up twice a month and that of course it would be hard, but I didn't want this to end right there. But as he still wasn't convinced to try making it work, I decided to go home. I kissed him goodbye one last time.

Back home I broke down and cried until I couldn't even cry anymore. I couldn't imagine being all by myself again, having to go through a breakup again. So I called my sweet French and asked him to come over and spend the night, because I couldn't stand being alone. When he came he finally agreed to at least try to make it work, but I still suspect that he had only said it to make me feel better.

Since then we haven't talked about it again, but although we agreed on at least trying to make it work, it took me a few days to get over it. However, I always had the feeling that something was between us, something, that was separating us and it feels so much better now as we have at least tried to talk about it.

Xoxo, do you think this is going to work? Have you ever been in a situation like that?