Long-distance relationship II

Remember Mr. French? The one who promised me countless massages and who I had successfully convinced to at least try a long-distance relationship when I had to go back after my internship ended.

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But a few weeks before I had to leave for uni he came to my place and, after a few minutes of small talk he just announced: 'I don't want a long-distance relationship'. At first I was real calm and it seemed I would be able to take it like that, I even tried to comfort him, because he seemed a bit shattered.
That's when I broke down, too. I cried and simply couldn't understand why he would do that to us. I couldn't understand why he wouldn't try at least. He was so sweet and stayed for over an hour trying to comfort me, but I knew I'd never calm down as long as he was there, so I felt like I had to send him away.

Before he left he asked me to stay friends - I know, people say that all the time when they break up, but I had the feeling he meant it. So, after a few weeks we made an attempt at staying friends and met for dinner and drinks. At first it was kind of awkward and we didn't really know what to talk about, but in the end I felt like it had been a nice evening and I started to believe that we could actually stay friends.

Xoxo, try to enjoy what you have as long as it's still there.

Long-distance relationship?

I've been dreading the question forever. I've been thinking about it for weeks. Don't ask me why, but somehow I knew I wouldn't like the answer. Until I finally plucked up my courage and asked my precious boyfriend how he imagined things would go on after I had to go back to university for one more year.

To make things more clear for you, we've been dating for about three months, I am madly in love with him and the town I'm studying in and where I have to go back to in about one and a half months, is about five hours by train away.

At first he didn't react to my question at all, but then after a minute or two he cuddled up to me and held me real tight - I could actually feel him shake, and I do suspect that he even shed a few tears, but I'm not too sure about that :) This gave me hope. If it made him so sad just to think about being separated he wouldn't finish off things as soon as I had to go back.

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He explained his rather extreme reaction by telling me that he didn't know how to answer my question and that he was sad to let me go indeed. I tried to reassure him that everything would be fine, as long as he promised me not to break up with me as soon as I had to go back. And that was the moment, when the worst happened: he hesitated. He didn't assure me that we'd be fine, that we could do the whole long-distance relationship-thing.

Until that moment I had been on the verge of tears, because I had been dreading the question for so long. Then I just couldn't hold them back anymore, and he went: Oh no, sweetheart, don't cry! But I couldn't stop myself, because for me it was crystal clear: If he couldn't agree to at least try and make the long-distance relationship work, this would be it. I didn't want to pretend being happy for a few more weeks, knowing that it would be over the moment I went back. So I desperately tried to change his mind, telling him it would only be for a year, that we could at least meet up twice a month and that of course it would be hard, but I didn't want this to end right there. But as he still wasn't convinced to try making it work, I decided to go home. I kissed him goodbye one last time.

Back home I broke down and cried until I couldn't even cry anymore. I couldn't imagine being all by myself again, having to go through a breakup again. So I called my sweet French and asked him to come over and spend the night, because I couldn't stand being alone. When he came he finally agreed to at least try to make it work, but I still suspect that he had only said it to make me feel better.

Since then we haven't talked about it again, but although we agreed on at least trying to make it work, it took me a few days to get over it. However, I always had the feeling that something was between us, something, that was separating us and it feels so much better now as we have at least tried to talk about it.

Xoxo, do you think this is going to work? Have you ever been in a situation like that?

Boyfriend turned romantic

My French Guy is finally back from his holidays and my patience has been paying off ever since. Things have been better than ever before and it seems like my being worried about missing him so much doesn't seem to have been wrong.

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But what I really wanted to tell you about is yesterday. Yesterday, when he did the most romantic thing I could imagine right now: When we were just getting ready to going to bed, I said: You know what I've been thinking? A massage would be so nice right now.

Next thing I know is that he told me to take off my shirt and lie down. And then he gave me one of the most romantic massages I ever got. With lots of kisses and tender touching (only my back, of course)

When it was over and I was lying in his arms I promised him to give him a massage in return the next time he would be staying over. He just said hmm and told me that I would get another one then too and every other time I want one. And then he said the most romantic thing: You have a free pass for massages. I will give you as many massages as you want.

In my experience until now I always had to make an effort to get my boyfriend to give me a massage, that's why I was so touched by him saying that. Also, this gives me the feeling that he's got the intention of sticking around for some time. Don't ask me why, I just got the feeling that this is going to be a great love story. We even made it to falling asleep in each others arms - no need for My Side, Your Side anymore. If this isn't a sign, I don't know what is.

Xoxo, just be patient for some time and you will get even more than you ever dreamed of!

Missing you

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It has been such beautiful weather the last days - beautiful couple weather as I call it. Unfortunately my sweet french guy is on a two-week vacation in the US. Not enough that he's gone for two weeks, a whole ocean separating us, it kills me that we can't enjoy the first real summer days of the year together. I wish we could go to the park, enjoy the sun and each other. I wish we could go for a stroll to the ice cream parlor round the corner, holding hands and taking in this feeling of joy one only has on the first few summer days. The same way all the other happy couples, that I come across all day, do.

Missing him so much makes me think. It makes me ask myself if it is ok to grow attached to someone so fast - after all, we've met a bit more than five weeks ago. Is it normal to miss him so much after this short span of time? I am aware - from my own experiences, that it isn't the best idea to get too attached to someone after such a short time, but I am just so happy that I finally found someone who I like and who likes me - considering it's been a while since someone had an honest interest in being with me.

Xoxo, let's hope my french sweetie proves himself worth missing!

My side, your side

Remember how I was going on about wanting to feel safe in someone's arms, having someone waiting for me at home and dreaming of falling asleep right next to Prince Charming?

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So, I've met this cute french guy at a friend's party and we ended up kissing drunkenly. After that I didn't really expect him to call or anything - considering we where both wasted, but he actually called me the next day and asked me out on a date. We spent a really nice evening together and I enjoyed being with him very much, so we ended up going back to my place and him spending the night.
Problem is, he's a very "cuddly" guy. He would scoot over all the time, hold me in his arms and make a lot of body contact. Don't get me wrong, it was lovely, I really enjoyed it - after all, that is what I've been dreaming of since I have been single again. However, as I've been single for quite some time now, I am not used to having someone right next to me anymore. So I ended up turning and tossing all the time and waking him up every time I moved. Let me say, we didn't get too much sleep that night. And the second night. And not because we where having passionate sex all night.

I kept feeling really bad because all I wanted to do was to tell him to just get the hell over to "his" side of the bed and give me some space to sleep, but I really didn't want to hurt him. Last night I finally plucked up the courage to tell him, in a Dirty Dancing kind of way - like: This is my space, that is your space. I don't get into yours and you don't get into mine. With a few (or a lot) exceptions, of course. And voilà, it worked out well. We kept holding hands all night, but also got some rest.
And he didn't seem to be hurt at all - if he was, he concealed it well, but I already know that he needs at least as much sleep as I do, so it might not have been the worst decision to make. Although he kept teasing me whenever I tried to steal a kiss from him and had to cross the "border".

Xoxo, sometimes you just have to invent new rules - if only to break them later!