Missing you

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It has been such beautiful weather the last days - beautiful couple weather as I call it. Unfortunately my sweet french guy is on a two-week vacation in the US. Not enough that he's gone for two weeks, a whole ocean separating us, it kills me that we can't enjoy the first real summer days of the year together. I wish we could go to the park, enjoy the sun and each other. I wish we could go for a stroll to the ice cream parlor round the corner, holding hands and taking in this feeling of joy one only has on the first few summer days. The same way all the other happy couples, that I come across all day, do.

Missing him so much makes me think. It makes me ask myself if it is ok to grow attached to someone so fast - after all, we've met a bit more than five weeks ago. Is it normal to miss him so much after this short span of time? I am aware - from my own experiences, that it isn't the best idea to get too attached to someone after such a short time, but I am just so happy that I finally found someone who I like and who likes me - considering it's been a while since someone had an honest interest in being with me.

Xoxo, let's hope my french sweetie proves himself worth missing!

My side, your side

Remember how I was going on about wanting to feel safe in someone's arms, having someone waiting for me at home and dreaming of falling asleep right next to Prince Charming?

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So, I've met this cute french guy at a friend's party and we ended up kissing drunkenly. After that I didn't really expect him to call or anything - considering we where both wasted, but he actually called me the next day and asked me out on a date. We spent a really nice evening together and I enjoyed being with him very much, so we ended up going back to my place and him spending the night.
Problem is, he's a very "cuddly" guy. He would scoot over all the time, hold me in his arms and make a lot of body contact. Don't get me wrong, it was lovely, I really enjoyed it - after all, that is what I've been dreaming of since I have been single again. However, as I've been single for quite some time now, I am not used to having someone right next to me anymore. So I ended up turning and tossing all the time and waking him up every time I moved. Let me say, we didn't get too much sleep that night. And the second night. And not because we where having passionate sex all night.

I kept feeling really bad because all I wanted to do was to tell him to just get the hell over to "his" side of the bed and give me some space to sleep, but I really didn't want to hurt him. Last night I finally plucked up the courage to tell him, in a Dirty Dancing kind of way - like: This is my space, that is your space. I don't get into yours and you don't get into mine. With a few (or a lot) exceptions, of course. And voilà, it worked out well. We kept holding hands all night, but also got some rest.
And he didn't seem to be hurt at all - if he was, he concealed it well, but I already know that he needs at least as much sleep as I do, so it might not have been the worst decision to make. Although he kept teasing me whenever I tried to steal a kiss from him and had to cross the "border".

Xoxo, sometimes you just have to invent new rules - if only to break them later!

Men are like Drugs

Today I got an awesome guest post from my dear friend B. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did.

Men are like Drugs
Once we have them for more than 3 days in a row we get addicted.
But we always have to remind ourselves that it is not the letting-go that's bad. It's the moving on. Getting through life without the drug we used for such a long time.
Find a new drug - a better drug. I know that drugs are never good but everybody uses them anyway so why do people judge if u have one big drug that's called Michael? I loved the way he got me high and i think there is nothing wrong with that feeling!

Not too long, but also not too short. Straight to the point. I've never thought about it that way before, but I actually feel like going through a deprivation after a break-up.

Xoxo, have fun finding your new drug called James, Andrew, Brian, Chris or whatever his name will be!

Kissing Frogs

One of the girls in Sex and the City once said „You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince“. But what if I‘m fed up with kissing frogs instead of The Guy? What if I don‘t want to kiss any more slimy, lying, cheating or simply not-for-me guys? Is it wrong for me to say I don‘t want to have relationships that lead nowhere? Should I be more thankful for having relationships, even if they are dead ends?

Sometimes, when I'm once again single I phantasize about having a boyfriend, being in his arms, sharing meals, looking forward to coming home to him after work. All that without thinking he'd be The Guy. All I want in those moments is someone to comfort me when I'm sad, someone to be there for me, when I need him.
In other moments I dream of being one of those happy princesses that only have to kiss one frog that will turn into a charming prince and they will be happy ever after.
And then there are those days where I think, what the hell do I need a boyfriend for? I can have fun with whoever I want, I don't need to stay with one guy for the rest of my life, do I? I don't need a husband to support me, I can get help whenever I need it. All I have to do is pick up the phone and call one of my friends.

However, reality is different. There is no exact recipe for getting either dream of mine. At times it's just so exhausting to never know how to get exactly what I want. How to proceed so I won't get my heart broken again.
Whatever I do, how much I think about it, I guess we'll have to kiss a few more frogs before one of them turns into Prince Charming.

Xoxo, try not to break the frogs hearts! After all, what seems to be a frog to you, might be Prince Charming for another girl!

Next Step

I've been thinking. About my situation. About being single. About being sick of going everywhere alone, feeling like the fifth wheel on the wagon, returning home to an empty apartment and having to cook for one person only.

I'm dreaming of someone waiting for me at home, taking bubble baths together, watching cheesy movies together, feeling safe in his arms, falling asleep and waking up right beside my Mr. Big.

So I figured, I'd try my luck with one of those online dating sites, that seem to be so popular. I'm not sure which one to pick yet, but I'll definitely let you know all about this new part of my search for love.

Xoxo, wish me luck!

Working Woman

How do woman fit all their to-do‘s in just 24 hours? How do they always look perfectly styled, have their private life in order, get their laundry done, clean their appartment properly, keep their body in shape and have some free time to meet their friends, go to the movies or enjoy their hobbies? These women seem like super woman to me.

As I recently started working full time - it‘s just an internship so an end is in sight, thank god ;) - I haven‘t had any free time at all. All I do is get up in the morning, go to work and come back in the evening. I am glad if I have enough time to cook myself a decent dinner, read my mail and, if I am really fast doing these things, read a few pages of a novel or watch an episode of my favorite show.

But then, I remember dreaming of being an independent working woman, moving out from my parent‘s house, doing whatever I pleased to do, not having to do homework after I came home. Back then it seemed like the most desireable thing ever. But I hadn‘t experienced being a working woman yet and now I miss those carefree times, when I actually had the time to try out new hair-dos, paint my nails twice a week, play the Sims for hours and lie in front of the TV to watch all those Gossip Girl and Grey‘s Anatomy episodes.

Xoxo, enjoy whatever you are doing at the moment, you will miss it some day!

Imagine

Today on the tube home from work I saw a couple in their sixties and almost immediately saw me and the guy I've been in love with for the last three years. Sitting there, talking, smiling at each other. The woman even let her eyes drift to her husband's lips sometimes as if she was fantasizing about kissing him.
This picture made me happy. Though I don't know if said guy and I will ever get back together... Long story short: we met at work and I was instantly drawn to him but never even imagined we'd eventually actually be together, so I kept admiring from afar. Then he left the company and we didn't have any contact for more than two years until he started texting me on facebook because as he said, he had never forgotten me. So after a few weeks we started dating and I was on cloud nine for quite some time, but unfortunately he had to move to another continent because of his work - only for two years, but still it wasn't the same anymore although I felt like he was my Mr. Big.
So although I don't know what's going to happen I always got my imagination and hope!

Xoxo, use your imagination to feel happy!